I had sort of resigned myself to doing a lot of interior decorating, because Umlaut really enjoyed it. (Who wouldn’t enjoy cashing a paycheck because some invisible god has done all the work for you?) But I was a little unsettled when he visited his new client.
Hey, that’s Simon’s house! Get out!
After updating a reading room at the house across the street, Umlaut stuck around for a game of foosball.
That Salvatore fellow seemed really nice. But you know who Umlaut really got along well with? Salvatore’s wife, Kerri. Gosh, they became best friends practically instantly!
Anyway, back at home I was leaving Triana and Cecil to their own devices. Mostly they spent their days making out with each other.
And Umlaut loved to paint. Here’s his latest masterpiece.
It’s very… yeah.
I had Umlaut invite Kerri Snead over for dinner. Not really sure why she showed up in hospital scrubs and Crazy Hair.
It didn’t take long before they fell into each others’ arms.
I had never bothered to update Umlaut’s room, so they made out beneath his childhood posters. Sexy!
Just because I was feeling devilish, I had them “Try For Baby.” And it worked! Oh my.
The next morning Kerri showed up for breakfast wearing just barely more than Umlaut.
It wasn’t long before she was struck with a bout of Baby Sickness. All the bathrooms were occupied so she had to vomit out in the yard, the poor thing!
Meanwhile Cecil painted something that I thought was quite nice.
The next day, the devil in me sent Umlaut across the street for a visit. Oh look, Salvatore’s home, too!
Kerri, that shameless hussy, started flirting with Umlaut right in front of her husband.
Umlaut got hungry and went home. I had him invite Kerri over. She had really started to show!
He’s just convinced her to divorce Salvatore, which is why she looks a bit sad.
Just to shake things up a little, I sent them to a romantic location so that Umlaut could propose.
She said “I do”!
But the next day at the park she said “I’m busy.”
And Umlaut had busted out his silver cummerbund and everything!
Turns out she was busy at the hospital giving birth to his baby. I had him invite her over, and they had an informal ceremony at home.
The bride wore gray sweatpants, and the matron of honor was… thinking about something she saw on PBS?
And then it was time for the big move-in! Since the game had named the baby, he didn’t fit the naming scheme. So welcome Baby Erich!
I’ll have to take him down to City Hall to have his name changed to something more, you know… Alphabetti-cal.
Meanwhile, he slept peacefully in a crib I decorated with a funny picture of my cat.
And just for a few extra laughs, I moved the easel out onto the sidewalk.
I would ask “What must the neighbors think?” But since the neighbors include the recent
ex-wife ex-husband of the woman Umlaut just fathered a child with and married, I’m pretty sure I can guess what the neighbors think.