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Letters to the television

Dear FreeCreditReport.com,

In your most recent commercial, the guy says he wouldn’t have married his wife if he’d known that her credit was sub-par.

This is the most appalling sentiment I’ve ever seen publicly expressed.

Dear Discovery Channel,

I’m glad it’s Shark Week. But we all know you’ll be back to airing eight-hour blocks of “Deadliest Catch” re-runs come August 4th.

Dear Sci Fi Channel,

“Ghost Hunters International” stinks. Please go back to airing “Ghost Hunters” re-runs instead.

Dear Wave Cable,

Why do you air so many commercials for Wave Cable? I daresay anyone watching you already HAS Wave Cable.

Dear Family Guy,

“American Dad” is a better show than you’ll ever be. (Ironic!) You are the show that I watch while I’m waiting for “American Dad” to air.

Please get canceled again. You no longer interest me.

Dear paper towel commercials,

I’m cheap. I mean really cheap. And yet, I have never once rinsed a paper towel and re-used it. Why you’re so fixated on this “feature” is beyond me.

Dear Sonic Drive-In,

Your various frozen dessert beverages look delicious. I wish you wouldn’t air your commercials in a market where your restaurants don’t exist. It’s kinda mean.

Dear Venture Bros,

You complete me.

15 comments to Letters to the television

  • Patti

    I hope the television reads your blog.

  • Patti

    P.S. Your google ads are for owl pellets. TWO ADS FOR OWL PELLETS. How cool is that!

  • Amy

    OMG you don’t rinse your papertowels? I am so never reading your blog again!! I bet you don’t even get down on your hands and knees and guess how many sheets it would take to clean the mess! Sheesh!!

  • Another Erika

    I tend to reserve paper towels for really disgusting uses, like cleaning up cat puke. I’m not too interested in reusing them then.

  • deb

    I could not agree more. Thank you for standing up for we – the powerless!

  • Wow what a list.. of course we could all add to it.. i especially hate all the cable commercials when I am already subscribed to it.

  • Jennifer

    I hate political ads that blatantly lie and sitcoms that suck my soul.

    I really like procedurals, though. Maybe it feeds my love of mystery, which began with Encyclopedia Brown and Sherlock Holmes at a very young age.

  • Judy

    Well…I’m with you on all but the credit issues…of course, I divorced my first husband because he would NOT stop spending money. Not even when Mastercard asked for the card back. I sent mine. He wouldn’t send his. Marriage is a financial partnership where neither partner can control what the other does. Love, yes, and all that, but we all need to be very clear that current bad credit is a deal breaker. That sort of irresponsibility leaks over to time issues and issues holding jobs….

  • Jennifer

    You can buy owl pellets??

  • Tobyn

    Personally, I find bad credit to be a turn-on. Two bankruptcies? Oh, you naughty girl!

  • Wow, the credit thing… I get it, but damn. What if she is trying really hard to improve her credit? And here she is married to this a-hole who would probably follow that statement with “well, I never would have married her if I’d known she used to be fat.”

    The commercial I hate is the one for those green bags that keep your vegetables fresh for days. They seem so unnatural. Like… vegetable necromancy.

  • Ha! I laughed out loud. I want to punch that dude in the face (the one living in his gf’s parents’ basement b/c of her bad credit. Where’s his good job? His good credit? Huh?)
    And just two days ago, I wondered the same thing about paper towels – rinsing and re-using. And show me any paper product that you can successfully use to scrub CARPET without it disintegrating. Skeptical, I am!
    As for Sonic, I’m sorry. I never even knew what it was until I moved here. And those beverages are quite tasty.

  • ayla

    I don’t even have a tv, and I agree with most of this.

  • Melissa

    Sonic is CRUEL. They have such yummy things and they wave them in our faces when the closest Sonic is hundreds of miles away!!! Mean mean mean……I want Tater Tots.

  • I totally agree with the Free Credit Report ads. (I also hate the one where he’s in some kind of “Dead Lobster”-esque restaurant because HE screwed up…)

    Incidentally, I live where there are Sonics, and they are not all that. The drinks are good, though not better than what any fountain place can do, and the food really is not that good – even the tater tots. And the soft-serve is not as good as Dairy Queen’s. So take heart, people outside of Sonic-land. Like most commercials, it makes the product appear far more alluring than it actually is.