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Regarding the message on the Opal ball band, Pasticcio commented I think the label says something about you having their high sympathies if you wash that yarn in the machine at night.
The scary thing is, that’s exactly what I thought when I read the band out loud. If we choose “translation by consensus,” then this must actually be what it says. (Also, something about a Washing Machine Fest, which doesn’t sound very festive.)
The first thing I did was swatch. I have to admit, casting the wee tiny little yarn onto the wee tiny little needles was a little daunting. As I knit the first row of the swatch, I experienced the all-too-familiar feeling that I actually have giant paws instead of hands. “This is why I’m not a surgeon,” I thought.
While the swatch dried, I undertook the task of measuring my own legs. I sat down on the floor with a tape measure, and attempted to find “the end of the calf muscle,” which is where the ideal sock starts. Ha. This is like trying to find the shoulder blade on a seal. (It’s in there, I checked.) My calves aren’t shapely, they’re just plain fat.
I finally decided on a likely spot, and marked it with a pen, so I wouldn’t lose my place. (I know – it’s a wonder I’m still single!) While I was there, I snapped a picture so you can see what I mean about the cheap Costco socks.

The two arrows point to the spots, low and high, where the two types of socks I wear tend to bind my calves. When this picture was taken, I hadn’t worn the tall socks in four days, and I hadn’t worn the short socks since the night before. So the dents are semi-permanent. I’ll spare you pictures of the burst capillaries; even I have my gross-out limits. (But you can see some others in the picture, because my skin has no pigment whatsoever.)
Next: math. At the marker point, my calf is 14.5 inches around. 3.5 inches down to the ankle area, the narrowest part, which is 11 inches around. (This means I’ll have to decrease by 3.5 inches around over 3.5 inches of knitting down.) My foot itself is 10 inches long, and the ball of my foot is 10 inches around. (This refutes the claim of some people that I have “square feet,” but not by much…)
The swatch of owl yarn knits up (for me) at 6 stitches to the inch “slightly stretched” on 2.75 mm needles. (The gauge didn’t change on washing.) So knitting from the top down, I have to start by casting on 87 stitches. Make that 88, because I like even numbers better.
At 8 rows to the inch, I have to decrease down to 66 stitches over 28 rows, which means I have to lose a little bit less than one stitch per row. (I’ll start by working an inch of ribbing without decreases, then decrease one stitch per row, just to make life easier.)
After knitting for several hours, I realize that the swatch is wrong. Turns out, I knit a bit more tightly on the DPNs (can’t imagine why). I’m getting 7 stitches to the inch “slightly stretched.” I also forgot to factor in negative ease, so that the socks stay on.
Some quick work with the calculator shows that miraculously, the tighter gauge and the need to make the socks smaller balance out to almost the same exact numbers. As it happens, my incompetence is my salvation.
I knit and knit and knit and knit. I knit until my coffee table looks like this:

I knit until I get cranky with the cats, who stalk off to sulk in the corners. (They want very badly to sprawl on my lap and bite the DPNs.) I sigh, and take an apologetic play break with their favorite toy (one of those feathers-on-a-string-on-a-stick deals).
I knit and knit and knit and knit.
I stagger off to bed for a much-needed three-hour nap.
I wake up, make coffee, and knit and knit and knit. I knit, all told, through five episodes of Battlestar Galactica, “The Basketball Diaries,” three episodes of the Simpsons, two episodes of King of the Hill, two episodes of Malcolm in the Middle (sandwiched between the cartoons), and an episode of M.A.S.H. because I couldn’t find the remote, and I was too tired to get up off the couch. (Normal rules of not watching television are suspended during times of illness.)
Finally, as M.A.S.H. (possibly one of my least favorite sitcoms of all time) segue’s into the Geraldo Rivera show, I realize that I have had enough. Enough knitting, enough bad television, enough being awake for one day.
I give you: one day’s progress on Owlsock 1.

The picture is actually pretty true to the colors. I think it really does look rather like owls. (P.S. See those three funny white lines in the lower right-hand corner of the picture? Cat whiskers, popping to attention as the sock is brandished for picture time.)
I have to go to bed now.
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